Dave Barry

Quotes

• “Perhaps you are thinking: 'But a tank costs several million dollars, not including floor mats. I don't have that kind of...”
• “As you get older; you've probably noticed that you tend to forget things. You'll be talking with somebody at a party, an...”
• “It is a well-documented fact that guys will not ask for directions. This is a biological thing. This is why it takes sev...”
• “Aside from velcro, time is the most mysterious substance in the universe. You can't see it or touch it, yet a plumber ca...”
• “The best baby-sitters, of course, are the baby’s grandparents. You feel completely comfortable entrusting your baby to t...”
• “I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as ...”
• “Don't you wish you had a job like mine? All you have to do is think up a certain number of words! Plus, you can repeat w...”
• “If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full po...”
• “Hobbies of any kind are boring except to people who have the same hobby. This is also true of religion, although you wil...”
• “Have you noticed that whatever sport you're trying to learn, some earnest person is always telling you to keep your knee...”
• “The problem with winter sports is that -- follow me closely here -- they generally take place in winter.”
• “Gravity is a contributing factor in nearly 73 percent of all accidents involving falling objects.”
• “The leading cause of death among fashion models is falling through street grates.”
• “What I look forward to is continued immaturity followed by death.”
• “Camping is nature's way of promoting the motel business.”
• “Panicky despair is an underrated element of writing.”