Groucho Marx

Quotes

• “Well, art is art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water! And east is east and west is west and if you take ...”
• “Well, Art is Art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water. And east is east and west is west and if you take ...”
• “Just give me a comfortable couch, a dog, a good book, and a woman. Then if you can get the dog to go somewhere and read ...”
• “Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There's no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wif...”
• “When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying,...”
• “Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong reme...”
• “From the moment I picked up your book until I put it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.”
• “We'll meet at the theater tonight. I'll hold your seat 'til you get there. Once you get there; you're on your own.”
• “Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today.”
• “I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.”
• “Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself.”
• “The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.”
• “One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I'll never know.”
• “If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.”
• “I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.”
• “Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.”
• “Life is a whim of several billion cells to be you for a while”
• “Room service? Send up a larger room."[A Night at the Opera]”
• “Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.”
• “I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.”
• “A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.”
• “Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.”
• “Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.”
• “Before I speak, I have something important to say.”
• “Humor is reason gone mad.”