Jarod Kintz, I Want

Quotes

• “I want to see an elephant hunt down a man for the sole purpose of collecting his teeth, while a chorus of typewriters si...”
• “I want to write a book called, "Bonfires and Bras,"which follows around a young, braless feminist who struggles to adopt...”
• “I want to merge a Phoenix with a Camel to create the world's first everlasting cigarette. It'll be a cigarette that rise...”
• “I want to write the Boston Marathon of run-on sentences. And since it'll be so long, I'll replace all the commas with th...”
• “I want to get the huge wart that looks like a nose removed from my back, but first I'm going to try to grow a mustache u...”
• “I want to get the words "Courage"and "Bravery"tattooed across my back, so people could associate me with those things as...”
• “I want to lose weight by eating nothing but moon pies, which have significantly less gravity than earthier foods such as...”
• “I want to create a seventeen-syllable word that encompasses the human condition, and then use that word to form the worl...”
• “I want to write a book so long that it will take the average person their whole life to read. It will be exactly the sam...”
• “I want to write a poem about "Truth,""Honor,""Dignity,"and whether the toilet paper should roll over or under when you p...”
• “I want to be a cowboy, but only long enough to barge into a saloon and bellow, "Who's the yellowbelly that stole my happ...”
• “I want to write my own eulogy, and I want to write it in Latin. It seems only fitting to read a dead language at my fune...”
• “I want my time to be taken up by chores, errands, appointments, and arguments. In other words, I want to get married.”
• “I want my kids to have the things in life that I never had when I was growing up. Things like beards and chest hair.”
• “I want to spend less time talking about myself, and more time listening to what other people have to say about me.”
• “I want to upholster the inside lining of my nostrils with leather, to have that "new car smell"all the time.”
• “I want to meet a guy named Art. I'd take him to a museum, hang him on the wall, criticize him, and leave.”
• “I want to be a naughty pirate, because when I put on that eye patch, it barely covers my genitals.”
• “I want to be strapped to a table, while a family of chickens argues over who gets to eat my legs.”
• “I want to end global hunger by feeding half the world’s starving people to the other half.”
• “I want to keep a human mouth on my coffee table. It’ll be a great conversation starter.”
• “I want to be more like James Bond, and less like Ian Fleming.”
• “I want to write a book about shoes that’s full of footnotes.”
• “I like to spoon after I fork.”