Jarod Kintz, Sleepwalking Is Restercise

Quotes

• “Here’s what I’d love to see: A vending machine that dispenses cats for petting on your lunch break. Instead of money, th...”
• “4 in 5 Americans disapprove of the job Congress is doing, which begs the question: Are 1 in 5 Americans retarded?”
• “At church, during communion, they give out free wine. Whoa! Talk about a great place to drink and meet women.”
• “Quarterbacks shouldn’t leave the pocket, because that’s where the money is. Every politician knows this.”
• “Would you mind if I used your kitchen sink to take a bath? I have the hygiene of a midget.”
• “She likes her wine white, and that’s how I like my clam chowder. So chuggable!”
• “We all long for something. Midgets long to be long, but I long to belong.”