Jarod Kintz, The Titanic Would Never Have Sunk If It Were Made Out Of A Sink.

Quotes

• “When the clock reads 3:00, I don’t call it three o’clock, I call it three hundred, and I remember the Spartans. At 3:01,...”
• “He had a new girl, and I told him she looked like Marilyn Monroe. He smiled because he thought I meant she was beautiful...”
• “We rode the merry-go-round like a couple of lovers. We weren’t though; we were just two horse enthusiasts from two diffe...”
• “The only gift I have to give, is the ability to receive. If giving is a gift, and it surely is, then my gift to you is t...”
• “I’m 30-years-old, and I still can’t get out from under my father’s shadow. He’s really tall, so maybe I’ll just ask him ...”
• “No matter how much water a sink takes on, it never lives up to its name. The Titanic would never have sunk if it were ma...”
• “Like Alexander the Great and Caesar, I’m out to conquer the world. But first I have to stop at Walmart and pick up some ...”
• “Love lets us ride on its back as if it were a camel. But you’ve got to water it, or it won’t grow into a healthy rose bu...”
• “33 old people went into a nursing home, and only 34 people came out alive. One old woman died while giving birth to twin...”
• “Love knows no boundaries. I wish I would have known that before I hired a cartographer to map out my romantic territory.”
• “I prefer long-distance relationships. If we were dating, would you be offended if I asked you to stand back a few feet?”
• “My love is like the shape your mouth makes while you whistle. Would you mind if I accompanied you on my harmonica?”
• “There’s truth and honor in a mustache. And that’s why I started flying one on the flagpole outside of my house.”
• “Not only did I lie about lying, but I lied about lying about lying. And you’d better believe that’s the truth.”
• “Kevin Love has a last name that sums up my feelings for you. But then again, so does Renaldo Letsfucktonight.”
• “I was nervous. Like an ice cube, I just froze up. Then I melted in some strange guy’s drink.”
• “On savings: A dollar here, a dollar there. Over time, it adds up to two dollars.”
• “I wish success could be ordered like delivery pizza, because I’d order take out.”
• “There is until there isn’t. That’s just the way it is. Until it isn’t.”
• “I want to make something of myself. I believe it’s called a statue.”
• “This book comes with its very own logo (logo sold separately).”
• “I peed on the floor to get hired. Now I’m the janitor.”