Jarod Kintz, This Is The Best Book I've Ever Written, And It Still Sucks

Quotes

• “Love has a shape, but no color. You’re probably wondering, “If it’s transparent, how do you know what shape it is?” Good...”
• “If one unlabeled bottle holds nonfat milk, what does the second unlabeled bottle contain? If you answered “Whole milk” t...”
• “The six squares of our love didn’t add up to a cube. Still, I took the oddly-shaped box down to the post office and trie...”
• “I’m older now than my dad was when he was my age. Wait, that’s not right. That’s not my dad at all, that’s just some str...”
• “You could empty the trash and my love for you still wouldn’t fit inside. But just because it won’t fit, doesn’t mean you...”
• “Love gives you wings. Icarus and the Challenger both had wings, and so did my first love letter, after I folded it up an...”
• “Tomorrow is promised to no man, though I’m under the impression I have an earthly meeting with God on the day after tomo...”
• “Nobody can make you feel ignorant but you—the you from before, the one who skipped school and slept in class. By you, of...”
• “She says he says, but she could be lying to me, and he could be lying to her, so I can’t believe her, even if I could be...”
• “Every night I cuddle with a blob of unbaked clay I fashioned in the shape of a woman. But that’s what being in love is a...”
• “If I knew what you’d do, exactly when you knew what you’d do, then I’d either be you or I’d be God. And we both know I’m...”
• “Writers fish for the right words like fishermen fish for, um, whatever those aquatic creatures with fins and gills are c...”
• “I want to go to Martha’s Vineyard. I have an aunt named Martha. And an uncle by that name. Neither one is related to me.”
• “I love like a leaf in the wind. Please, hold your applause until the end of the performance (the last day of fall).”
• “With my last breath, I’ll exhale my love for you. I hope it’s a cold day, so you can see what you meant to me.”
• “I’d rather fake my own fog, than fake a steamy love scene. Can I interest you in some mist? It’s homemade.”
• “I have an 8th grade education. Of course, I also have a bachelor’s degree.”
• “An exercise in unknowing is not the same as not knowing or forgetting.”
• “How’s my mom? My mother’s well, like a painting—a Motherwell.”