W. C. Fields

Quotes

• “Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food...”
• “When asked to borrow money: "I'll see what my lawyer says. . . . And if he says yes I'll get another lawyer.”
• “If at first you don't succeed try try again. Then quit. There's no use being a damn fool about it.”
• “I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake - which I also keep handy.”
• “Women are like elephants. They are interesting to look at but I wouldn't like to own one.”
• “I exercise self-control and never touch any beverage stronger than gin before breakfast.”
• “Set up another case bartender! The best thing for a case of nerves is a case of Scotch.”
• “Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.”
• “Once during Prohibition I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.”
• “No man is boss in his own home but he can make up for it by making a dog play dead.”
• “It was a woman who drove me to drink - and you know I never even thanked her.”
• “It was a woman who drove me to drink - and you know I never even thanked her.”
• “I never worry about being driven to drink I just worry about being driven home.”
• “The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down rat holes with baited breath.”
• “No doubt exists that all women are crazy it's only a question of degree.”
• “Sleep - the most beautiful experience in life - except drink.”
• “Drown in a cold vat of whiskey? Death, where is thy sting?”
• “It's morally wrong to allow a sucker to keep his money.”
• “Hell, I never vote for anybody, I always vote against.”
• “I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.”
• “A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.”
• “I like children - fried.”