Humour Quotes
Quotes about Humour
76 quotes
- “Ah! The English language was a wonderful thing! You could always find the right word. He only wished he could speak the ...” — Terry Jones
- “Need to get to Ruislip by sparrow-fart though', said the squadron leader. 'Think you can do that? Can I come along for t...” — Robert Rankin
- “I may not hate al of the people all the time, but I hate all of them some of the time, and I hate some of them all of th...” — Kathy Mccullough
- “I asked my publisher what would happen if he sold all the copies of my book he'd printed. He said "I'll just print anoth...” — Eric Sykes
- “If you're getting chased by a lion, you don't need to run faster than the lion, just the people running with you. - Tim ...” — David Nihill
- “Snyder: There are some things I can just smell. It's like a sixth sense."Giles: Well, actually, that would be one of the...” — Mutant Enemy
- “Intellectual controversies tend to be like dog fights without the teeth, in which the barking not the biting does the da...” — Luis Fernando Verissimo
- “Personally, I don’t think there's intelligent life on other planets. Why should other planets be any different from this...” — Bob Monkhouse
- “What's it like to be a living legend? A lot fucking better than being a dead one..." Geordie Selwyn, Appetite for Corrup...” — Hilary Mortz
- “We are getting older fatter and balder. Each day brings us one step closer to death. Other than that, life's a ding-a-de...” — M. Kushner
- “Yes. We will live the rest of our lives in hell. It's not so bad: as long as you're prepared for it, you can live anywhe...” — Mizuki Nomura
- “Maybe that’s why God made childbirth so painful, so that when your life is wrecked by children you know it could be wors...” — J.t. Lawrence
- “If i believe my truth is true and you believe your truth is true,what if my truth says yours is a lie.is it still true?” — Lecrea
- “Julesa: "Are you a fool? Father will have you hung if he realises you've escaped."Never: "Everyone dies from something.” — Ashley Capes
- “In 1969 I published a small book on Humility. It was a pioneering work which has not, to my knowledge, been superceded.” — Frank Pakenham
- “You ask me why I write. You might as well ask me why I breathe. I need oxygen to feed my body and ink to feed my soul.” — Bryce Main
- “I couldn't possibly repeat the words he used .They were so unsettling that I sent Nancy indoors to find my spectacles.” — John Bude
- “Don't ask me who's influenced me. A lion is made up of all the lambs he's digested, and I've been reading all my life.” — Giorgos Seferis
- “When I am alone in the forest at night-time and jump from one tree to another, I often think that life is so strange.” — George Mikes
- “I was bored stiff while reading this. I got so bored I wanted to slit my wrists to see how my flatmate would react.” — Zaki
- “What use is of an eye to be open if it's not there to see! Shouldn't it rather be gauged or closed for it deceives?” — Mapogo Chuene
- “...You haven't I suppose ever mixed with politicians at close quarters. They're awful...their stupidity is inhuman.” — Robert Skidelsky
- “No, General. I'm not your subordinate. And what I'm coming dangerously close to is violence.-General Wedge Antilles” — Aaron Allston
- “When I reached 70, the doc said I should try walking 5 miles a day. At 72, I'm still trying to find my way home ☺️” — Jacqueline Creek
- “There are two kinds of people in this world: those who sweat the small stuff, and those who have the balls not to.” — The Gang
- “Some of my best friends are women,' I snapped, 'though I certainly wouldn't want my daughter to marry one of them.” — Kyril Bonfiglioli
- “Step up to red alert."Sir, are you absolutely sure? It does mean changing the bulb." - Rimmer & Kryten, "Red Dwarf” — Rob Grant
- “We came from nothing, we'll leave with nothing; might as well make the most of the brief somethingness in between” — M. James Airey
- “The feeling of 'turning into your dad' is nothing compared to the realisation that your son is turning into you.” — Andy Graham
- “He lies down next to me.He says, 'You know - you have a face to die for/''Well, don't die,' I say, "we just met.” — Gwendoline Riley
- “Beware the ideas of March... just one little letter changes the whole meaning. I love the way worms can do that.” — Alan Dapre
- “I know stealing a foot is weird. But, hello, living in a house where a foot is available to be stolen is weird.” — Lauren Ambrose As Claire Fisher
- “Like all shrinks she was a deeply troubled person.From "Fat Jimmy And The Blind Ballerina" due out early 2017.” — Eddie Owens
- “Time travel is complicated, or so we think, since we have not yet managed to actually figure out how to do it.” — Serena Yates
- “Network administrators all share an abiding and passionate desire for one thing: We want our users to shut up.” — Michael W. Lucas
- “Supermarkets were introduced into Britain to destroy small businesses and create a sense of social alienation” — Little Britain
- “- "Sometimes I think people would believe in aliens before they'd believe in demons"- "That's how it is, now!” — Jon Skovron
- “I know about dance, like the creationist knows about science, and typically treat it with a similar contempt” — Eilian J. Richmond
- “Exceed expectations" is such a lispy term. I hope that it never infiltrates the bedroom or sport.” — Grant Mclachlan
- “He was under the mistaken impression that I didn't have enough tact.The truth was, I had no tact.” — Caroline Hanson
- “There are things of deadly earnest that can only be safely mentioned under cover of a joke.” — J. J. Procter
- “People say talking to yourself is the first sign of madness. It's not. It's eye bloody spy.” — Molly Looby
- “We may be pilgrims passing through this world, but let's not be grim-pills in the process!” — Arthur D Bardswell
- “The aftereffects of confiding something you shouldn't have, almost as bad as a hangover.” — Malka Ann Older
- “Scott, if your life had a face, I would punch it. I would punch your life in the face.” — Brian Lee O'malley
- “Soul: As a cool guy, I'm used to seeing naked women.Blair: That explains the nosebleed” — Atsushi Ohkubo
- “State your point. If the opposite party doesn't agree, state it harder- with a punch.” — Jennifer Bernard
- “You shouldn't panic so much," Siris said. "You'll never be a good thief if you panic.” — Sean F. Hogan
- “Perhaps we are yet to feel the full impact of the Y2K bug but so far it's been quiet.” — Michael Mcgirr
- “My mum always said you get more fun at a Glasgow stabbing than an Edinburgh wedding.” — Caro Ramsay