Humor Quotes
Quotes about Humor
3011 quotes
- “Yes, boys are a little like shoes. Why? Well...They can be useful. But mainly...They are nice to look at. Getting the ri...” — Rachel Hill, A Girl's Guide To Guys: Meeting Them, Managing Them And All That Love Stuff
- “How can a person deal with anxiety? You might try what one fellow did. He worried so much that he decided to hire someon...” — Max Lucado
- “Hale."Kat sighed. "The headmaster's car? Really? That's not to cliched for you?"What can I say?"He shrugged. "I'm an old...” — Ally Carter
- “He's not doing anything he shouldn't be doing, right?""Like what?""Like hitting on you.""Ew. No, of course not. He doesn...” — Rachel Caine, Ghost Town
- “You guessed? You must have been pretty sure, considering you could have killed me.""I was ninety percent sure.""I see,"C...” — Cassandra Clare, City Of Bones
- “Henry turned as if to dart out of the room, then swung around and stared at them, a look of confusion passing over his f...” — Cassandra Clare, Clockwork Angel
- “Artemis: "Right, brothers. Onward. Imagine yourself seated at a cafe in Montmartre."Myles: "In Paris."Artemis: "Yes, Par...” — Eoin Colfer
- “I am a man, and men do not drink pink drinks. Now, be gone, woman, and fetch me something brown."Jace said. "Brown?"said...” — Cassandra Clare, City Of Glass
- “Ride?"Rhage snorted. "Please. That thing is a sewing machine with an air dam taped to it. My GTO could dust the fucker i...” — J.r. Ward, Lover Mine
- “Bishop was all done with the witty converstaion. 'Will you swear?'And Myrnin said, shockingly, 'I will.' And he proceede...” — Rachel Caine, Feast Of Fools
- “It has often been saidthere’s so much to be read,you never can cramall those words in your head.So the writer who breeds...” — Dr. Seuss
- “By the Angel,"Jace said, looking the demon up and down. "I knew Greater Demons were meant to be ugly, but no one ever wa...” — Cassandra Clare, City Of Bones
- “But with dogs, we do have "bad dog."Bad dog exists. "Bad dog! Bad dog! Stole a biscuit, bad dog!"The dog is saying, "Who...” — Eddie Izzard, Glorious
- “I let out a laugh that sounded more like the yip of a startled poodle. "Superp-powers? I wish. My powers aren't winning ...” — Kelley Armstrong, The Summoning
- “To me, nudity is a joke. I don't think nude people are very attractive at all. I like my women fully clothed. I like to ...” — Charles Bukowski
- “It turned out I was pretty good in science. But again, because of the small budget, in science class we couldn't afford ...” — George Carlin, Brain Droppings
- “Since I don't smoke, I decided to grow a mustache - it is better for the health.However, I always carried a jewel-studde...” — Salvador Dalí, Dalí's Mustache
- “Jeez, Hazel,"Percy said, "tell your horse to watch his language."Hazel tried not to laugh. "What did he say?""With the c...” — Rick Riordan, The Son Of Neptune
- “That was the funniest thing I'd heard in days.You're kidding, right? PLEASE tell me you have a stronger motive for me th...” — James Patterson, School's Out—forever
- “You okay?""Fine.""Your heart's beating really fast.""Gee, thanks. That's very comforting that you can hear it."He smiled...” — Rachel Caine, Ghost Town
- “You can read minds, and you didn't tell me?” Link stared at me like he just found out I was the Silver Surfer. He rubbed...” — Kami Garcia, Beautiful Darkness
- “How are you feeling?"I leaned away from him. "Gross."Aiden frowned. "Gross?""I haven't brushed my teeth or washed my fac...” — Jennifer L. Armentrout, Deity
- “That was horrible. Horrible. That poor little guy."Pex was unrepentant. "Yeah, well, he asked for it. Calling us ... all...” — Eoin Colfer, The Eternity Code
- “It's now very common to hear people say, 'I'm rather offended by that.' As if that gives them certain rights. It's actua...” — Stephen Fry
- “I have lightning and wind powers,"Jason reminded him. "Piper can turn beautiful and charm people into giving her BMWs. Y...” — Rick Riordan, The Lost Hero
- “There is a crucifix, a few cloves of garlic, a wooden stake, a hammer, a blob of Silly Putty, and a pocketknife. “You do...” — Pittacus Lore, I Am Number Four
- “What to do if you find yourself stuck in a crack in the ground underneath a giant boulder you can't move, with no hope o...” — Douglas Adams, The Original Hitchhiker Radio Scripts
- “God does not play dice with the universe; He plays an ineffable game of His own devising, which might be compared, from ...” — Terry Pratchett, Good Omens: The Nice And Accurate Prophecies Of Agnes Nutter, Witch
- “Okay, God, I thought. Get me out of this and I’ll stop my half-assed church-going ways. You got me past a pack of Strigo...” — Richelle Mead, Blood Promise
- “It's so hard to believe in anything anymore. I mean, it's like, religion, you really can't take it seriously, because it...” — Steve Martin
- “Claire was struggling through last summer’s diary volume when Myrnin popped in through the portal, wearing a big floppy ...” — Rachel Caine, Fade Out
- “The Swiss have an interesting army. Five hundred years without a war. Pretty impressive. Also pretty lucky for them. Eve...” — Jerry Seinfeld
- “Why?' is always the most difficult question to answer. You know where you are when someone asks you 'What's the time?' o...” — Douglas Adams, The Salmon Of Doubt
- “Jace's eyes sparkled, but he said calmly, "Not at all. the Silent Brothers can help her retrieve her memories.""You hate...” — Cassandra Clare, City Of Bones
- “The philosopher Diogenes was eating bread and lentils for supper. He was seen by the philosopher Aristippus, who lived c...” — Anthony De Mello
- “Hush Hattie!"I said, intoxicated with my success. "I don't want to go to my room. Everyone must know I shan't marry the ...” — Gail Carson Levine, Ella Enchanted
- “Getting you a date to prom is so hard that the hypothetical idea itself is actually used to cut diamonds,"I added. Radar...” — John Green, Paper Towns
- “Once, when a religionist denounced me in unmeasured terms, I sent him a card saying, "I am sure you believe that I will ...” — Isaac Asimov, I. Asimov
- “1492. As children we were taught to memorize this year with pride and joy as the year people began living full and imagi...” — Kurt Vonnegut
- “Ichigo: You got that? Huh?! I'm the rescuer, so you just SHUT UP!!Rukia: Wha--wha'd you say? A rescuer isn't supposed to...” — Tite Kubo
- “The last time I wore an animal hide; but this time I settled for this."Eric had been wearing a long trench coat. Now he ...” — Charlaine Harris, Living Dead In Dallas
- “If you're anorexic, you're doing it wrong."I swat him with a dish towel. "No, no, I mean anorexics look in the mirror, a...” — Jen Lancaster
- “It seems that the young woman made some indelicate suggestion of a threesome...When I got there, Miss Nash was standing ...” — Ilona Andrews, Magic Bleeds
- “To Garan's credit, the treatment of Dellian prisoners did change after that. One particularly laconic man, after a sessi...” — Kristin Cashore, Fire
- “Here,"Myrnin said, his voice still gentle and low. "Amelie said you had to work. No one said you had to work alone."He p...” — Rachel Caine, Ghost Town
- “If you ever put a student at this school in danger again-''Oh, I thought you Gallagher Girls were immune to danger.'Desp...” — Ally Carter, Only The Good Spy Young
- “What are all these?"Clary asked."Vials of holy water, blessed knives, steel and silver blades,"Jace said, piling the wea...” — Cassandra Clare, City Of Bones
- “Tomorrow was my second chance to make things right but it never came. I’m sorry I never treasured the time we had for th...” — Olivia Cunning, Rock Hard
- “...I doubt very seriously whether anyone will hire me.'What do you mean, babe? You a fine boy with a good education.'Emp...” — John Kennedy Toole, A Confederacy Of Dunces
- “How're we getting to King's Cross tomorrow, Dad?"asked Fred as they dug into a sumptuous pudding."The Ministry's providi...” — J.k. Rowling, Harry Potter And The Prisoner Of Azkaban