Funny Quotes
Quotes about Funny
540 quotes
- “He put on his hat and wrapped his scarf around his jaw, but did without the wig and the sunglasses. He clicked his key c...” — Derek Landy, Skulduggery Pleasant
- “Because he sounded so lost-the Eric I knew had never been one to do anything other than assume others should serve him-I...” — Charlaine Harris, Dead To The World
- “As I climbed up into the high old bed, the large fly in my personal ointment did the same. Had I actually told him he co...” — Charlaine Harris, Dead To The World
- “Marc’s hand tightened visibly around Kevin’s fingers, his digits going white. Again. Both men clenched their jaws, Kevin...” — Rachel Vincent, Rogue
- “The wolf said, "You know, my dear, it isn't safe for a little girl to walk through these woods alone."Red Riding Hood sa...” — James Finn Garner, Politically Correct Bedtime Stories
- “His fingers lightly grazed my cheek. "I didn't know you before. When you're not there, I can't concentrate. I'm wonderin...” — Jamie Mcguire, Beautiful Disaster
- “Did I ever tell you the difference between a Northern fairy tale and a Southern one?"she asked him, indulging herself an...” — Erin Mccarthy, Hot Finish
- “You know, poets and songwriters have long known that people like repetition. You know, poets and songwriters have long k...” — Jarod Kintz, This Is The Story My Great-grandfather Told My Father, Who Then Told My Grandfather, Who Then Told Me About How The Mythical Mr. Boo, Charles Manseur Fizzlebush Grissham Iii, Better Known As Mr. Fizzlebush, And Orafoura Are All In Fact Me...
- “Honestly, as much as I love my brother, I’m not sure how I feel about him hanging out in your bedroom.” He reached out w...” — Jennifer L. Armentrout, Opal
- “The trouble with aggressive nonsmokers is that they feel they are doing you a favor by not allowing you to smoke. They s...” — David Sedaris, Barrel Fever: Stories And Essays
- “Hey Mason, wipe the drool off your face. If you're going to think about me naked, do it on your own time."[...]"This is ...” — Richelle Mead, Vampire Academy
- “Okay, I'll wear the Bite Me shirt,[...]It'll be my standard response to anyone who tries to hit on me."I giggle. "Someo...” — Mari Mancusi, Boys That Bite
- “Hatsuharu Sohma: [after tripping Kyo] If I hadn't had tripped you, you wouldn't have stopped now would you.[addressing t...” — Natsuki Takaya
- “I was washing the dishes and the sneaky bastard crept up behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist. And kissed me. ...” — Samantha Young, On Dublin Street
- “Ten Things You Shouldn't Say on a Date.1. You're wearing that?2. Something smells funny.3. Where's the Tylenol?4. And to...” — Gena Showalter, Animal Instincts
- “Isn't that someone we know?"asked Horace. He pointed to where a cloaked figure sat by the side of the road a few hundred...” — John Flanagan, Halt's Peril
- “Are you two you know?"Jacob pointed at us. "Together? Together? "I didn't get a chance to answer. Cam spun me around and...” — Jennifer L. Armentrout, Wait For You
- “I’m busy, you’re busy, everybody’s busy. I’ve got a lot I want to say to you, though.” “All right,” Pia told her. “Hit m...” — Thea Harrison, Dragon Bound
- “Would you like to borrow a pair of my panties to wave around at the next Council meeting to get the point across?”His ey...” — Ilona Andrews, Magic Bleeds
- “After climbing off his bike, I smacked his shoulder. “Did you forget I was with you? Are you trying to get me killed?”“I...” — Jamie Mcguire, Beautiful Disaster
- “Well,” said the frog, “what are you going to do about it?”“Marrying Therandil? I don’t know. I’ve tried talking to my pa...” — Patricia C. Wrede, Dealing With Dragons
- “Want to play baseball?’” she asked. Shane’s eyes opened, and he stopped stroking her hair. “What?’” “First base,’” she s...” — Rachel Caine, The Dead Girls' Dance
- “I'll get them out and come back. I promise.""On your word as a cutthroat and a pirate?"He touched my cheek once, briefly...” — Leigh Bardugo, Siege And Storm
- “She was the most wonderful woman for prowling about the house. How she got from one story to another was a mystery beyon...” — Charles Dickens, Hard Times
- “You don't want him,"she said to the pink-haired girl. "He has syphilis."The girls stared. "Syphilis?""Five percent of pe...” — Cassandra Clare, Lady Midnight
- “It's always been this way. There were rumors about me even before I was born. It's why my mother never calls me Sobachka...” — Leigh Bardugo, Siege And Storm
- “We were kissing.I thought: This is good.I thought: I am not bad at this kissing. Not bad at all.I thought: I am clearly ...” — John Green, Looking For Alaska
- “Log Entry: SOL 118My conversation with NASA about the Water Reclaimer was boring and riddled with technical details. So ...” — Andy Weir, The Martian
- “Jake wasn't about to be seduced like some schoolgirl. Not by a man who went by the unlikely name of Tornado, not by anyo...” — Chris Owen, Bareback
- “Ren took off his jacket, which slicited a squeak from Jennifer who was now totally focused on Ren's golden-bronze biceps...” — Colleen Houck
- “All right I think we've been down here in the dark long enough. There's a whole other world upstairs. Take my hand Const...” — Stephen King, Full Dark, No Stars
- “You just punched a prince, Alina. I guess we can add one more act of treason to our list.”I shook out my sore hand. My k...” — Leigh Bardugo, Siege And Storm
- “Politics and prostitution have to be the only jobs where inexperience is considered a virtue. In what other profession w...” — Tina Fey, Bossypants
- “If you want to know my story, you have to go back to the beginning. Not the beginning-beginning, but about nine months l...” — Jarod Kintz, American Association For The Advancement Of Aardvarks Presents: Dear Natalie
- “Who cares even if I didn't?!"Conor shouted back. "They're just stupid berries. Woo-hoo, so scary. Oh, please, please, sa...” — Patrick Ness, A Monster Calls
- “But that quickly faded, and he frowned. "You're bleeding,"he said. "What happened?"Claire sighed and held up her wrist t...” — Rachel Caine, Midnight Alley
- “Somehow, Sydney had an internal clock that told her when time was up. I think it was part of her inherent ability to kee...” — Richelle Mead, The Fiery Heart
- “1. You left a multipack of Mars Bars on top of your wardrobe. Can I have one? Dad x2. I had three. Hope that's OK. Dad x...” — Holly Smale, Model Misfit
- “I am not forgotten, you know, no, I still receive a very great deal of fan mail.. . . Gladys Gudgeon writes weekly. . . ...” — J.k. Rowling, Harry Potter And The Order Of The Phoenix
- “Did those nice church ladies come by again?"He nodded. "I asked them if a man died and then the woman remarried, and the...” — Ilona Andrews, Gunmetal Magic
- “She handed him a glass of water and two Aleve gelcaps. “They’re anti-inflammatories. They will dull the pain a little bi...” — Ilona Andrews, On The Edge
- “You're very welcome,"she said, giving my hair a hard tug. "You should be used to being gawked at by now.""And yet I'm no...” — Leigh Bardugo, Shadow And Bone
- “I take a sip of my beer, and it's - I mean, it's just astonishingly disgusting. I don't think I was expecting it to tast...” — Becky Albertalli, Simon Vs. The Homo Sapiens Agenda
- “I picked up the nearest weapon I could lay my hands on: a stapler. I lifted it, going for “menacing.” I admit it lacked ...” — Rachel Hawkins, Rebel Belle
- “This is my depressed stance. When you're depressed, it makes a lot of difference how you stand. The worst thing you can ...” — Charles M. Schulz
- “He started to touch the mechanism under the keyboard, then pulled his hand back with a snap."Ah,"he said. "Must deactiva...” — Rachel Caine, Ghost Town
- “I've never felt so bereft and panicky. What do I do without my phone? How do I function? My hand keeps automatically rea...” — Sophie Kinsella, I've Got Your Number
- “Grandpa always used to make me ride in the bed of his pickup truck, so he could keep up his conversations with the 100-p...” — Jarod Kintz, There Are Two Typos Of People In This World: Those Who Can Edit And Those Who Can't
- “HOMICIDE, n. The slaying of one human being by another. There arefour kinds of homicide: felonious, excusable, justifiab...” — Ambrose Bierce, The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary
- “One of the greatest pieces of advice I’ve ever gotten in my life was from my mom. When I was a little kid there was a ki...” — Johnny Depp